The Choice of Silence
by Storm of Illusions
Summary: HIATUS. The Coma Curse's SEQUEL! Harry's been on the Afterlife for some years now. He joins the Silcála Order where he learns many things, useful things... But now, he has a mission. Old friend will help him but will that be enough? C Seven
1. The Silcála

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1**The Choice of Silence**

Chapter I: The Silcála

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own Harry Potter… *Sniff*…_

**_A.N.:_**_ Well… Here's the Sequel! I wasn't planning to post it soon, but as the 5th book is coming tomorrow (YAY!) I decided upload at least the first chapter. I hope you'll still read it even after the 5th book release! In a day, this will turn out to be very AU. I'll update the story once or twice a week… just like I did with The Coma Curse. Lastly, I wanted to thank you all for reading The Coma Curse, especially SatanSaphire, Katie Lang and my dear Beta, Red… I think she's now known as Aminem._

~*~

Harry looked around the castle. Finally, he arrived! It was night already, a cloudless night. 

He knocked on the old wooden door of the castle. A woman opened it and asked him to come in. He was feeling a bit nervous, he'd heard about them before. Countless times. They were like a myth… A legend… He followed her, not hesitating a bit.

This castle was an academy. Those who went there, after being tested, spent years training… Then, they were appointed to the Trials, where they would earn the title of Master of Lómë, roughly translated from an elven language, Master of the Night. Not many passed the Trials, for they were too difficult but if they did, they would earn a place within the Silcála.

 The Silcála… It was an Order, formed by Masters of Lómë. Its objective was to keep the balance of the Afterlife and the balance of all dimensions and timelines. It was composed mostly of wizards and witches, but there were some Muggles too. The Muggles were, mostly, part of the Intelligence Group, planning missions and giving advice. 

To keep the Balance, the Masters were given missions. They would differ from staying in the Afterlife and protecting someone there (even if they were dead, if the wrong person got hurt, it could cause a politic problem) and going back to Earth or to another planet and help someone.

Harry found about them as soon as he arrived the Afterlife. At the first time available, he could, he went to find the Academy of the Silcála. He was a Mage, he reasoned. It shouldn't be very difficult for him to pass the Trials… He was seventeen now, it had been two years since he died. He'd spent those years with Lily, his mother. They both got along pretty well, and she was the first to support him when he said he wanted to try the Academy.

 Lily and Ciara. He cringed at the thought of the last. Ciara was a friend, a little older than him (if he wasn't mistaken, she was nineteen). She was cool and all but she was a bit tempered. While his mother had supported him with his decision, Ciara had made a scandal on '_how could Harry leave them after all they did for him?' _If it hadn't been in a public place, Harry would've thought it was funny. Of course, at the time, all he wanted to do was strangle her.

 In the end, she had decided she couldn't live without her 'little brother' and went with him. When he tried to ask how _she_  would survive the Academy, she simply shrugged and answered she'd manage. Harry doubted she would still think this after they spent a week in the Academy.

 He looked at Ciara, who was next to him, it seemed she was feeling as nervous as he was. She nodded at him, letting him know she wasn't coming back home. He took a deep breath and entered the Academy. She followed.

*

The castle was as dark inside as it was outside. _Irony,_ Harry thought, with a smile._ Silcála means Shining Light and their Academy is so dark…_He looked to his side. Ciara had a determined look on her face, even if her eyes were apprehensive. She was clutching a teddy bear, she had it since she was a child but still kept it, saying it was hers and she wanted to keep it. He rolled his eyes, _couldn't she act her age?_

 The woman who opened the door said something to a gargoyle. It opened in an abrupt movement, letting a door be seen. Harry followed when she entered it. He knew Ciara came just after him.

 There was only one person in the room. The High Master, Harry noted as he saw he was wearing the Silcála symbol of a silver, eight-pointed star. The woman bowed slightly and left the room, wordlessly. 

The High Master turned to them. 

"I understand you want to join the Academy," he said and Harry noticed his voice was like Dumbledore's – only he wasn't old. ****

Harry heard Ciara gasp as he said this and smiled at her naiveté. She hadn't thought he would know they wanted to join the Academy–the young Mage himself was surprised he did, but it was to be expected. The Masters of Lómë were known for their omniscience, and Harry was very much accustomed with that – his own mentor was very close to all knowing.  

"How did you…" He heard Ciara speak. He sighed; _didn't she know who she was talking to? _It was _the_ High Master, for Merlin's sake! If she continued like this, he would probably reject them from the Academy!

 Deciding to take some kind of action, Harry spoke quietly, trying to cut off what Ciara had tried to say. "Yes, we want to join the Academy, High Master."

 The High Master's eyes narrowed, eyeing Ciara intently. Harry felt a strange knot in the bottom of his stomach, fearing he wouldn't let them enter. "She," he said quietly, only a bit above a whisper, yet the tone was very cold, "Cannot join."

 Ciara made an indignant sound. "What?! You Mister I-think-I-am-the-best-because-I'm-a-Master! You think that just because I'm a woman I can't join the ACADEMY?! Well, that's WRONG, _Master_! I'm very much capable of joining this BLOODY ACADEMY!"

 Harry could only stare at her, blinking. He couldn't believe Ciara did just that! He loved her as a sister, but she was overreacting. _As always…_ He thought with a sigh. He could very well picture the Master's reaction… He would look at them calmly and simply tell them _both_ to go away… _All this for nothing…_

 The reaction wasn't – _thankfully – _what Harry thought it would be. The High Master looked at her and said, in the calmest tone of voice. "Are you finished?" He didn't wait for her to answer. "Well, Miss Akaino, for your information I don't want to accept you, not because you're a _woman _but for your temper. With a temper like yours, you would _never_ survive it here." He smiled, not unkindly. "I've been watching you both, Miss Akaino. You wouldn't adapt here."

 Of all, this wasn't what Harry had expected. _This High Master had been watching us? _As much as he agreed with the Master (he, himself, had also said this to her countless times), he knew he needed to say something to help his friend (and, as much as he would _never_ admit it, he didn't want to face her wrath later). 

"High Master," he said, just as quietly as the older man, completely ignoring Ciara by his side. "Give her a chance. If she doesn't adapt to the Academy, I, myself, will bring her home." 

The High Master looked at Harry piercingly, then at Ciara, who was looking quite indignant at they both and finally, he looked at Harry once more. Sighing, he nodded his consent. 

They both grinned madly at him when he said so. "But," the High Master said, with a warning look. "If you step out of the line," he told Ciara. "You _will _leave for home."

 They both nodded, looking down to the floor, trying to conceal their grins. 

The High Master chuckled and called one of the Masters that was standing by the door. "Master Linn will show you your quarters." He looked at them, wondering then smiled. "Welcome to the Academy."

 ~*~

So that was it. The following days were like Hell to them both; Ciara was having much more problems than Harry but managed doing everything well. Harry, on the other hand, was doing pretty well; although, he admitted later to Ciara that it was very stressing and he would much rather his old training. Of course, this was after a tiring sword exercise and, if Harry hadn't been tired (angry, more likely) he would have noticed that, even if his training had been terrible, he had been very successful with it.   

Even with the eventful days, Harry missed his mother and longed to come back home. He sighed as he remembered his life on Earth, if it was three years ago, when he was still alive and finishing his forth year, he would think he'd become mad if he said he missed his old life. _How ironic…_ He couldn't help but think. He felt as if he was betraying his mother (and even Ciara) thinking like that. He wondered how Sirius was feeling… Did he feel guilty? And, what about James? A sudden feeling of sadness overwhelmed him at this thought. He hadn't been able to spend much time with his father… Maybe his last decision hadn't been so wise after all. Maybe he should have tried more… Found some other way… 

As much as he didn't want to admit, Voldemort hadn't been a 'normal' wizard. Yes, he was almost immortal. Yes, he was the Slytherin's heir… But, Harry was a Mage. He could have found a way, if he wanted to. Tears rushed to Harry's eyes at this realization; could it be true? Had he died… because he wanted to? It seemed silly to think like this, but Harry had thought that his sacrifice had been something _necessary_, not something that, if he wanted to, he could avoid it.

 He shook his head as if trying to make those thoughts leave. He wondered for a brief moment why he always got into a musing mood when he was sad… He guessed he was just strange.

Strange…

 The Dursleys had always told him he was a freak. It had bothered him very much when he was a child. Then, he went to Hogwarts and it had never bothered him again. Still, he always knew he was different, even from his friends. Maybe his unconscious already knew what he was. And his duty. Strange things always happened to him. Before Hogwarts, he had Apparated to the roof of his old school while being bullied by Dudley and his friends. At Hogwarts, things like the Philosopher Stone and the Chamber of Secrets happened. And there was also the fact he could speak Parseltongue. 

Why was that bothering him now?

 This, he didn't know. Maybe it was because he was in a strange place… Or that he was doing strange things… It frustrated him not knowing the reasons of his thoughts. It was like they weren't his. Like he wasn't him. He hated this. All of this. Why did he need to train? Why did Merlin and the Founders find him worth their powers? Why? 

_Why…?_ he thought wearily. Someone once told him that _why_'s were questions without answers. He didn't want any of this… He missed his friends greatly, even Ron with his impulsive manner. He missed Sirius and his Master… They were the only ones who understood him. Even when he had to make a decision like when he decided to sacrifice himself, Dumbledore had understood him. He knew Sirius would have too, if Harry had talked to him. And his father… He missed James, not as much as he missed Sirius or Dumbledore for he wasn't very close to him, but he truly wished he could have had the time to talk to James. To _really _talk to James. Not just live a lie near him. 

He looked through the window of his room. He could see the stars and the moon from there; it was full moon. He wondered if it was too on Earth. He thought of Remus. _Was he still the Defense teacher? _Somehow, it felt right. If someone would break the curse from that position, it would be Remus. If it was indeed full moon on Earth tonight, his former professor would be running with Sirius and James through the Forbidden Forest, freely and painless, now with the Wolfsbane Potion. He wished he could he the Potion Master's face when he realized that the three Marauders were at Hogwarts. That's it, _if_ they stayed at Hogwarts. Harry didn't know if they did.

 Harry could laugh at the irony of the things. If someone had told him a few years ago everything would change as they did he would've sent this person to St Mungo's! He would never believe that his father would be alive, that he was a Mage, that he'd train his fighting and magic skills or that he would one day be in a Academy in the Afterlife. It was so extraordinary… But then again, his life had been always uncommon. 

He sighed. He really should get some sleep; all this thinking was making him tired. He would have a long day tomorrow, he knew. He hoped he would be able to go well on this knew training. He really wanted to pass his Trials soon; the High Master had said it was a matter of months until he would be able to try them. Maybe one of his missions as a Master of Lómë from the Order would be to go back to Earth… Maybe.

 After all, hadn't Sirius told him once all he had to do was hope?

 ~*~

Runes.

 Harry had heard of them, of course. Hermione had taken Study of the Ancient Runes since her third year at Hogwarts and had read about them while he had been under Dumbledore. He'd never tried to do any magic with runes before; the book said it could be dangerous to do it alone. But now… he smiled. He was looking forward to next lesson. He had just received his timetable; he would learn, between sword fighting and archery, many different kinds of magic skills. He specially wanted to try Elemental Magic. He wondered which Element he had… 

He looked to the clock. It was still early, he noticed, relieved. Ciara wouldn't be in this class, fortunately or unfortunately he didn't know. They both had done a test, to know in which level they'd enter. Ciara had stayed in the first level and Harry on the fifth, the last one. Times like these he thanked Merlin (and his _Master Albus!_) for training so much on Earth. He only needed to learn few things.

 He sighed as he decided he should have some breakfast. He headed to the fireplace and threw in some Floo Powder, calling the House-Elves for some breakfast. He ate it quickly, not wanting to be late, ignoring the fact that he was early enough to eat at a normal speed.

 Finishing eating, he went for his lessons.

~*~

 "Alright!" Master Lena said cheerfully. "Everyone get your Athame and try to make spells, on the end of the class I want to try a bit of dueling using the Runes."

 Harry looked to his desk. His own Athame was lying there, next to the piece of parchment he had just used to copy some Runes he would use. The way to use the spells with Runes wasn't that simple – but it wasn't that difficult either. The difficulty of it was that you had to use the Athame instead of a wand, and to use one you had to concentrate much more than normally. 

He picked to Athame up, looking very determined. He decided to try a spell to make light, like _lumos _did. He closed his eyes in concentration and used his Athame to draw an X with two lines on its sides on the air. He opened his eyes and…

 Nothing.

 It didn't work. 

Harry gave a frustrated sigh. He had to try again, he reasoned. He couldn't expect himself to get it on his first try… Mage or not, he was still human.

 Picking his Athame again, he tried to cast the spell again. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said the name of the Rune aloud as he drew it on the air. "_Dagaz."_

He opened his right eye first, as if afraid it hadn't worked. Then, he opened other one. He smiled. Somehow, he knew his day wouldn't be so long.

 ~*~

TBC…

_Well… As always, please review, I really want to know what you think of the sequel, I know it's really confusing in the beginning (it's supposed to be that way!) but don't worry it'll get better. And, if it seems like it doesn't have a plot at all, rest assured it has. _


	2. Trials

The Choice of Silence

Chapter II: Trials

**_Disclaimer: _**_I don't won Harry Potter… If I did, I wouldn't have killed ** I won't say it… |_whispers and looks to her sides| _spoilers…_

**_A.N: _**_As many people asked, I'm saying what an Athame is on this chapter. I wanted to say I'm very glad you liked the beginning of this story! I was *very* apprehensive when I posted it (I tried to avoiding doing it the longest I could… but as the 5th book was released… Not that I'm not happy, of course… =P) For those who didn't like Ciara, don't worry, she won't have a big role here… she won't appear from chapter 3 and on…_

**_Candie_**_, **Slone**, **hi**: Thanks! I'm glad you liked the story… I know it is confusing… Don't worry… It'll get better… **blinks** I hope… _

**_Toria:_**_ I'm glad you liked Ciara… I was afraid people would think her as a Mary-Sue… And… when are you going to update your story _In the Movies_? And… will the other actors discover Obi is a Jedi? =D_

**_Avlyn: _**_Hi! I'm really glad you liked the sequel! It means a lot! ^.~!_

**_Mystic Queen:_**_ I know it's confusing… I hope it's not too confusing… ^^ And about your question… **smiles mysteriously** that's for me to know and you to find out… Don't worry; he will meet some people again… _

**_A.N2: _**_This will become very AU from now on… The one who died on OotP will be alive here and will appear next chapter… I hope you'll keep reading… =p_

_~*~_

Harry tightened his grip on the Athame, he had found that he liked this kind of weapon; it was like a dagger. The difference was that it wasn't sharp, as it wasn't used to cut but to do magic. He stopped for a brief moment; he would never have thought that a Rune Duel would be so tiring! He and his opponent had been dueling for an hour now; both were sweating madly. 

The Rune Duel was very alike the normal dueling. Only, instead of using a wand and saying spells, the wizard used an Athame and said the name of the Runes. ****

He ducked a curse his opponent sent. His name was Gary Munn; he was a blond-haired twenty years old wizard. Harry knew he was very powerful, he had watched him sparring once. And he knew if he didn't do something, he would lose the fight. "_Isa Algiz." _For the first time Harry decided to combine two Runes. The _Isa_ Rune, he knew, reinforced the Runes around it. The _Algiz_ Rune was for shielding, not only the person casting it but for the ones the person wanted to protect. Munn had decided to use the _Nauthiz_ Rune, which worked like the _Petrificus Totalis _spell, it paralyzed the person.

The spell hit Harry's shield and rebounded to Munn, paralyzing his whole body. There was a loud _bam_ as Munn fell to the floor. Master Lena saw this and declared the duel was over. With a smile, she turned to Harry. "Congratulations, Potter. It's not often that a beginner wins over an older student." She looked to a big wooden clock that was hanged on the wall. "There is still half an hour of class, but as you both ended the duel earlier, you may go to your quarters. Don't forget that you have a Lesson on Elemental Magic in an hour, don't be late!"

Both students bowed and headed their way.

~*~

Fire...

This was Harry's Element. The Element of heat and dryness. Of fury. Of rage.

There were four Elements. Earth, Water, Fire and Air. Some people believed in a fifth, the Spirit. Each Element had a guardian. His guardian was the Salamander, a spirit of the Fire. From the South. Of the Element of the South.

It was confusing – but very interesting. The Fire Element was for people of Leo, Aries or Sagittarius. It represented the courage, quick thinking, leadership, and strength. Harry knew these were his strong points. His Gryffindor part. There was also his Slytherin part – which was represented by the Spirit Element. 

Yes, the fifth Element.

The Master hadn't known why he had it. No one did. They weren't even sure it existed. But Harry knew – just like the High Master did. This Element, the High Master had told him, was one of the powers Merlin had left in him. Each one of the wizards who gave him his powers had left him something more. 

Hufflepuff had left her loyalty. In dangerous times, as when James had been captured, Harry had needed it. Ravenclaw had left her thoughtfulness, her ability to think when she didn't know what to do, to think under pressure. Gryffindor had left many things; courage, strength... And the Element Fire. Lastly, Slytherin left him what would balance his powers. While Gryffindor was impulsive, Slytherin was very rational – too rational – but in Harry, it had kept his balance. When one part wanted to jump into action, the other waited and thought of a plan. A balance that was very much needed.

 To use these Elements, he had to concentrate on making them doing what he wanted. He didn't need his wand to do this, which made this kind of magic much more difficult. You had to have a connection with the Element and its guardian. The Master had said that there were many ways to make this connection; the easier of them was through meditation with that Element. 

Meditating wasn't that easy, though. Harry had to kneel with his back straight, taking deep breaths. The first times were bad, his knees hurt and his body felt strange for trying to stay still. After a few times, this had become better, he actually enjoyed meditating now. It gave him a sense of tranquility. The Master had said it was how it was supposed to be; Harry felt _close_ with his Elements. Like they were one. 

After much time of practice and meditations, he had mastered the Elemental Magic.

~*~  

 And so it went.

Weeks passed and turned into months – and the time of the Trials was getting near.

The High Master had said he was ready for them. Harry was nervous, but he barely could wait. The thought of becoming a Master of Lómë was so wonderful… And, he couldn't help but wonder; maybe he could enter the Silcála Order. 

Something people from outside didn't know was that being from the Silcála Order and being a Master of Lómë were two different things. When you passed the Trials, you'd become a Master of Lómë – but only a Master. You could teach on the Academy, but you wouldn't be from the Order. To become one of the members of the Silcála, you had to be chosen. The High Master observed the students from the Academy and, when they passed the Trials, he chose whom he saw fit for the Order.

 Harry wanted to join it. He didn't know if he would… _Stop it, Potter! First of all, you have to pass the Trials! _Harry didn't even know if he would indeed pass them. _Oh… Stop with those modest attacks… I **will** pass them!_ He looked to the classroom where he would attempt the Trials. _I hope…_

"Harry Potter."

He closed his eyes when he heard his name. _Breathe in; breathe out… C'mon Harry! _He entered the classroom, trying not to show his anxiety. 

The High Master smiled kindly as he came in and Harry was quite relieved to know he would be the one to give the tests. Taking a deep breath, he bowed to the Master.

The High Master bowed back slightly. "I want you to duel with me. If you win or stay conscious for a long time, you pass the Trial."

Harry nodded his understanding. "Yes, High Master."

The High Master walked to a room full of swords and motioned Harry to follow him. He turned to Harry once he was there. "One of these swords should choose you. Like the wand, the sword chooses its master. You shall use one and if you pass, you may keep it." He paused a little. "I trust you know what to do."

Harry nodded, mostly for himself and walked to the swords. He closed his eyes and concentrated. A light blue glow appeared from his hands and headed to a silver sword in the corner of the room. It was almost as if the sword was hiding. 

The High Master looked quite impressed, if not amused. "Very well, Harry. I'm quite impressed… This sword was forged by the Elves of an ancient reign… I wasn't expecting anyone to use it…" He shook his head. "I hope you'll use it well. Its Element is Fire if you were wondering." Then, he smiled a bit. "But this sword will not help you defeat me."

With a sudden movement, he drew his sword and attacked Harry. The Mage ducked to his side and brought his own sword to protect himself. But he hadn't been quick enough; the High Master's sword cut him on the arm. Harry shut his eyes in pain, but opened them quickly as stumbled away of his opponent.

He took out his Athame, deciding to try to use Runes instead. He smiled a bit; he had a plan. _I guess this won't take so long after all… _Raising his Athame to the air in front of him, he drew the _Perthro_ Rune – the Rune of the invisibility. 

The High Master looked around himself, not finding Harry, as the Mage was invisible. He heard something close to "_Sword Kenaz"_ and he fell to the floor after feeling a white-hot pain. He looked up just to see a flaming sword hanging on the air. This sword stopped near his neck and with a sudden _pop_ Harry appeared holding it, with a smile.

The High Master looked surprised for a moment and then pleased. Harry turned his sword back to normal and withdrew it safely to his belt.

The Master stood up, looking at Harry. "You passed the first stage of the Trials, Harry Potter, now you have two choices: you can remain and do the other part now or you can leave and do it tomorrow. It's your choice."

Harry closed his eyes. He knew it would be the wisest choice to leave and try again tomorrow… But he didn't _want_ to. He didn't know if it was some kind of sign (_Merlin I'm sounding like Trelawney!)_ or if it was impatience or that he felt confident enough to do it now. The next stage was about Elemental Magic, he knew. He had mastered this skill already… He opened his eyes. Yes, he would try it. If he lost, he only needed to try again… right? 

"I want to finish it now, Master."

The High Master looked pleased. "Very well." He looked to his side, motioning a fireplace. "You have to light a fire with your Elemental--you have the Fire element, right?"

Harry nodded smiling. _Easy…_

"But that's not all, you have to invoke the Salamander."

Harry looked at him, surprised. _There is no way I can do this! _"High Master, how will I do this? It's very advanced magic, very few people know!"

And it was. What Harry had to do was one of the most difficult magic ever done… He had to concentrate on that Element – only on it – and vision a Salamander appearing in the Fire. After a time, if the magic is strong enough, a Salamander would _really_ appear there. It would only be for a brief second, but it would show real control over that Element.

"You can't turn back now, Harry." The High Master said in a stern voice.

The Mage didn't reply, closing his eyes, he tried his best to concentrate on the Element and _not_ on failing Trials.

_It felt like Fire. He was burning. It hurt. _

He felt an urge to open his eyes, forget about the Trials and leave the Academy. He just couldn't do this! He tried to think of the Elemental…

_There was a bright light, with a reddish glow. It was taking form… _

The Salamander, the Salamander, the Salamander… It chanted over his mind time and time again, trying to keep Harry's focus on the Elemental.

_It embraced him, comforted him. Suddenly the pain stopped. Everything stopped. It was the Mage and It. There was no time… He was floating… _

But then, all stopped. He returned to the room with the High Master, feeling more tired than ever. 

Over the fire, he caught the glimpse of something. The Salamander. He couldn't help but smile. He did it. He invoked the Fire Elemental.

 The High Master turned to him. "Kneel." He ordered.

Harry did so. 

"You passed this Trial and earned the title of Master of Lómë." He raised his sword, using it to hit softly from Harry's right shoulder to Harry's left shoulder and finally to his head. "I, the High Master of the Silcála Order, give you the title of Master of Lómë, Harry Potter from the Earth." He paused. "You may rise."

Harry stood up, facing the High Master. Trying to keep thoughts like '_I can't believe it! I'm a Master!' _from his head as the High Master gave him the Lómë Symbol, it was a eight-pointed silver star with a different _L_ written on the middle. He placed it on his cloak as a brooch. The High Master smiled and motioned him to go. Harry did as he was told, barely containing his happiness as he walked.

When he reached the door he heard the High Master say, "don't forget to name your sword and find a new name for yourself, Harry… And don't be surprised if you see a letter with the Silcála Symbol… One can always enter the Order…"

Harry stopped still, barely breathing. Had the High Master meant what he thought he had meant? If so, he had been accepted!

~*~

The letter had been there. Just like the High Master had said.

Harry couldn't believe it. _He_ would join the Order if he wanted to. And, of course, he did. He wondered how it was like, the information about the Silcála was very secluded – and the letter hadn't said much.

_Mr. Potter,_ the letter had said (Harry cringed as he thought he really had to find a new name. The Masters of Lómë usually chose a new name when they passed their Trials, it was like leaving their past behind them and walking to a whole new future).

_We, from the Silcála Order, have been observing you for a few months now. It have come to our attention that you are fit for the Order. If you indeed wish to join it, write back. To send the letter, you need to say lelya Silcála. If you are wondering, it means 'go to Silcála' in Quenya, an Elvish language. _

_We are waiting for your response._

_Silcála Order._

The letter (most likely a note) had been very brief; but then, there wasn't much to say. 

Harry wasted no time. Picking up a quill and a piece of parchment, he wrote the answer to the Order's letter, very quickly as he was anxious to learn more about this fascinating (as he thought) people. "_Lelya Silcála."_ He said in a breath and the letter disappeared.

Sighing, he decided he could try to pick a new name for himself. Master Harry was so… weak… He rolled his eyes; trust him to think something like that. He picked up a book; maybe he would find something there.

He had thought he could use a name that fit his Animagus form. The form of a Chimera. His eyes narrowed as he saw two Japanese words. Death and fire. He smiled, that didn't sound bad. The Chimera was lethal and of the element Fire; therefore, the name Shinhi (which could be translated as dieing fire) fit perfectly. Master Shinhi… He thought in wonder. No more Harry. Shinhi.

He looked to his bookshelf… Now that he found his name, he was bored! He knew that trying to sleep would be fruitless, he was too anxious for the Silcála response. He knew that he had yet to meet them. He barely could contemn his excitement at the thought of having a mission… Maybe they would send him to Earth, one day! 

He was heading to the shelf when he suddenly stopped. He had just remembered he still had to tell Ciara. He groaned in desperation; he could actually _see_ her reaction:

_"You'll what? Harry, are you mad? How can you think of leaving your mother and I? Going to this… this –" _

Harry shook his head. The was no point in picturing her reaction… He had to stay calm. She was only a girl, after all… And he was a Master of Lómë (a Master with a cool name, he couldn't help but think), she couldn't harm him… could she? 

~*~

"You'll _what_? Are you _mad_? How can you think of leaving your mother and _I_?"

_Remember_, Harry made a mental note, _never again! Never again try to picture someone's reaction to something. In ninety per cent of the cases, you are probably right. If not, you were sleepy. Always blame the sleep. _

Still… Despite the fact Ciara was trying to kill him, (unsuccessfully, because they were already dead and that Harry was way more skilled than her) Harry found the situation quite amusing. She was running after Harry with a heavy sword she found too difficult to carry, trying to get him while Harry calmly ducked all the tries. "Tired yet?" He asked playfully.

She glared at him. "Yes."

He looked at her, not a drop of sweat on his face. "Good. Want to sit down?"

She blinked and nodded slowly. "I…" She regained her composure. "I hope this stupid idea left your mind, Harry Potter! I can't believe you'd –"

 "Ciara," he spoke softly. "I will enter the Order, whether you like it or not! It was my intention since the beginning."

She sighed over-dramatically and looked down – she knew she was defeated. "I know… just… be careful, okay?"

He smiled playfully at her. "Aren't I always?"

"Do you really want me to answer?"

"Shut up."

~*~

He received the call. And a mission. It wouldn't be easy, he knew. He smiled, _this will be interesting. _

With that, Harry Potter, also known now as Master Shinhi went to pack for this mission. 

This interesting mission.

~*~  

    TBC…

_So? What did you think? As always… REVIEW! And… I wanted to thank my dear Beta… Aminem… ^^_


	3. Hogwarts

The Choice of Silence

Chapter III: Hogwarts

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own Harry Potter… and my disclaimers are soooooo boring… __

**_Avlyn:_**_ I'm glad you liked the name! ^^ I liked it to… Can you believe it took me a whole week to find a name? =P_

**_Toria:_**_ Here is the mission (the beginning, I mean ^.^!)_

**_DawnRising: _**_Thanks! Here it is!_

**_AN:_**_ Looks up, only two reviews? Two reviews? *sighs* I must be losing my touch… Oh well…_

**_AN2: _**_I wanted to repeat that Sirius will be alive here… So… be prepared for a very AU fanfic…_

**_AN3_**_: Please, try to bear if this is not uploaded properly… I swear FF.Net hates me…_

~*~

So, that was it. The next day, Harry left for the mission.

It consisted on helping some people from an alternate dimension from his own. The Order had given him a brief description of the place but gave him a report of the history and other important things he needed to know. He was reading it now and was quite surprise at the similarities between his dimension and this one. They were parallel universes – the same things happened on each dimension, only that the people from one made different choices from the people from the other. _And, _Harry knew, _our choices can make the whole difference._

He was only curious to know _which _choice change this world so much… This world was still in war – Voldemort had never been defeated. _Didn't he attack me? _His eyes narrowed as he read a paragraph:

_The Dark Lord didn't chose to attack on Halloween of 1981, as he had planed before. He wanted (Silcála Order Notes: as you know, Shinhi) to kill the future Mage but he thought it would be better if he waited. For five years, he chose to stay dormant – not attacking anyone. He had discovered that the Killing Curse didn't affect the Mages so he started researching for another way of killing him. _

_When the Mage turned five, he sent a Death Eater to the Mages' home. The Death Eater killed the Mage. The method was quite simple – a dagger. _

_With the world without its saviour, Voldemort began his massacres again._

He closed his eyes. _This is what happened, then. _If Harry from this universe had died – there was no one capable of defeating the Dark Lord. The Order knew this and sent the one most familiar with this situation – him.

He would have to be under cover. No one was supposed to know who he was. Not even his parents – for he knew they were alive on this place. Not even Dumbledore – no one. He would become the next Defense Against the Dark Arts professor (he silently thanked Merlin for having this position jinxed), he would have a different name – Luke Knight and hopefully he would convince Dumbledore to let him join an Order the old wizard had created – the Order of the Phoenix. ****

He didn't think Dumbledore would let an unknown person enter it. But he could hope, he reasoned. Wasn't that what Sirius always said? He still remembered as if it was only yesterday, they both in Dumbledore's office. Harry was depressed--all was happening to him so fast and Sirius was comforting him.

Harry blinked for a few times. Comfort… This word sounded so strange. Was it normal for an almost-eighteen-year-old man to seek for it? He didn't like to admit it, but he missed Sirius… Even more than he missed James. It hurt to think of him, he wondered if he had forgotten him – he would probably have. They only knew each other for three years… And it had never been a constant thing – Sirius was always on a run from the Ministry.

He felt as he was selfish to think like that. Why did he want Sirius to miss him if this would only bring his Godfather sadness? This wasn't right, was it? He suddenly envied Ciara… He envied Ron and Hemione… They had something he didn't. Unconditional love. He loved Sirius as a father. He even felt bad about it while his own father had returned. But the matter was that, he had known Sirius for a longer time. But had Sirius loved him as a son? 

He shook his head, trying to make these thoughts leave. It was folly, he knew. They would never leave. No… they would remain, making his mind doubt until he could take no more. Only, this time, there would be no way out. While he was alive, death these times was a tempting choice. A place of solace. He smiled cynically at the irony of the situation, he was dead now – but that didn't make his pain any better. Only worse, for now he didn't have the choice of death.

Now there was no way out. Only… he stayed still, barely breathing. There was one choice but… Did he dare to make it?

 ~*~

Sirius looked through the window at his home. It was twilight now. He hated the twilight hour… it always felt so lonely. While in Azkaban, this time was the worst. It was the time where he would always look at the window, see the orange sky and think about his life. Not that he could think well, not with all the Dementors near him, but he kept thinking on how James and Lily would never see the sunset again. He blinked at this thought, when had he become so… cliché? He shook his head, he knew that the Dementors had this affect on people – he was not an exception.

He missed his Godson – shouldn't he say _son_? He felt a pang of guilt as he thought Harry would never know his feelings. And another one for – could he say it? – _stealing_ James' son from him. 

James. 

He shut his eyes in pain. They weren't talking to each other. It was partially his fault, he admitted. A weeks after Harry's death, James was already feeling better, he had already stopped mourning. Sirius, of course, hadn't approved this and made his opinion known. The result was, obviously, an argument. While Sirius told James he shouldn't have _forgotten_ Harry, James said Sirius _stole_ Harry from him. Now, if any of them wanted to say something to each other, Remus had to deliver the message. _Poor Remus…_

He stood up and headed to the kitchen. All this thinking made him hungry. _Although_, he thought with a smile, _what doesn't make me hungry?_

 ~*~

He looked around his room. Harry had already talked to Dumbledore; he was now officially the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. His name now was Luke Knight and his mission had already begun. 

He wondered what he would do from now. To destroy a Dark Lord wasn't an easy task, even for him. He groaned, _how _was he supposed to teach classes? Shaking his head, he sat down on a chair on his quarters and took this moment to look around it. It wasn't much, really. His own quarters back on his dimension were bigger. The room was all scarlet, but not in a Gryffindor way, it was more like… a _comforting_ red, made from velvet. There was a fireplace on the corner, and some stuffed chairs. There was also a staircase that led to a room, his bedroom. Nothing big but with enough space for him.

He sighed; maybe he should take a walk. It was morning and his first class was only after lunch – a group of third year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws (he thanked Merlin for that, thinking, _imagine if my first class was fifth year Slytherins and Gryffindors?_). 

He was glad the corridors were empty, it was somewhat like he was back home… he missed walking through these same (but it wasn't exactly the same, was it?) hallways. He remembered many things… feelings… how much time had passed on his own dimension? He wondered idly. He felt somewhat guilty to wonder how much time there was until Sirius' death… Would they ever meet on the Afterlife? He didn't know; he hoped they would though he doubted. He was a member of the Silcála Order (Harry couldn't help grin proudly at the thought) and obviously he would rarely _stay in_ the Afterlife. The Order had few members, only the necessary number to complete their missions successfully. _Was there some kind of vacation for the members?     _

It'd be strange… Harry tried to picture the High Master in a bathing suit on a beach in a tropical country on Earth. At his side, beautiful woman in bikinis drinking _caipirinha_ or something else. Harry shook his head; the sight was so… hilarious… and bizarre he thought with a grin. He couldn't imagine the High Master getting drunk… For a brief moment, he wondered what the High Master would do if he knew what Harry had been thinking… He felt a bit ungrateful, the High Master had always been so kind to him… he reminded him of…

He shut his eyes in pain. This was one thing he didn't like thinking much. Dumbledore had given him faith, had taught him all he knew and how had Harry paid it? By killing himself on the next opportunity.

He sighed. He really didn't know where these thoughts were coming from… He knew it hadn't been like that; he hadn't gone and killed himself as soon as he could. He died destroying Lord Voldemort – died saving the whole world. It was odd… He always had thought that after all he died he would feel at least proud. But he wasn't. All right, he _was _proud of his powers… for someone who could barely pass his Transfiguration class he had to say there had been an improvement. But, was he proud of dieing like that? He had been fifteen, for Merlin's sake! Did he really want to die so young? 

_But then again, what is death?_ The living people usually thought it was the end – the opposite of life. But, when he came to the Afterlife, he found it wasn't so. There wasn't a great different between living and dieing. He couldn't understand why people were so afraid of death. _It's because they don't know it, _he thought after a time. He blinked suddenly and asked himself silently _why_ was he thinking like that… It wasn't like him… He idly wondered (not for the first time, he knew) if it had something to do with his moods. He always got like this when he was depressed…   

He groaned when he suddenly realized that the hallways, once empty, were now full of students. Glancing at his watch (Ciara had given him a new one when she'd discover his own had stopped working after the second task of the Triwizard Tournament) he noticed it was already noon. He stared at his own class across the corridors fearfully; soon he'd have to face a class full of students! He was sure he would make a fool of himself… He laughed ironically as he thought he could battle Dark Lords, join strange Orders but could _not_ teach some students.

He stayed still for a moment… when had he grown sarcastic? It wasn't like him… He sighed (_I seem to sigh a lot these day…)_, it seemed that nothing was like him anymore… he could barely recognize himself through the changes he had in less than four years.

He shook his head, trying to make all these strange thoughts go away. He figured he should call Ciara, now he that got there. She should be worried. _Maybe I'll call her now… Soon I'll have to go to the Great Hall for lunch… _He picked his _bina _from the pocket of his robe, the _bina_ was like the Muggle cell phone, _no wonder; this was made by the Muggles in the Order. _He dialled her number. Few seconds passes and Harry heard her say, _hello._

"Ciara?" He said through the _bina. "_It's me, Harry."

There was a paused and Harry was sure her eyes grew wider. "Harry?" He heard her smirk. "Or should I say, _Shinhi_?" While she spoke, there was an emphasis on his name, Shinhi.

Harry blushed a little. "Yeah… I found a name… What do you think?"

"Creative."

"Creative?"

She nodded. "Creative."

"Only that? I spent _hours _looking for a name and you tell me it's _creative_?"

She shrugged. "What am I supposed to say? It _is_ creative… Anyway… what about your sword? It needs a name too, you know."

Harry new she was trying to change the subject. Obviously she didn't want to spend all day talking about creativity. It reminded him of when he passed to the Afterlife; they would spend all the time (Ciara and him) arguing over something pointless. It was some kind of a game now. "I'm not sure… would Fire be too… simple?"

"Probably."

Harry sighed. "Then, I'm hopeless."

She shook her head. "Come on, Harry! Is this from the same person that named himself… what's the translation again?"

Even though Harry knew she wouldn't see him, he glared at her.

 "Okay…"

"Look," Harry interrupted her. "It's lunch time. I got to go now. I'll try to find a name, okay? Bye!"

"But I-"

He shut the _bina _before she could finish. _I hope she won't be too mad…_ He didn't think much about this, though. As soon as he shut it, his stomach stated growling. _Some things never change… _And, even if he wouldn't admit it, he was glad some things didn't. 

He started to head to the Great Hall. The teachers here weren't much different than from his own time. Snape was still teaching (he wondered briefly if he was the Order of the Phoenix's spy), Mcgonagall too but Harry noted there was no Flitwick or Hagrid there. There were other teachers in their place – Richard Brooks and Lance Winston, Harry knew from the Slicála Order's archives. He had to act like he didn't know their name, though. Dumbledore had only introduced him to McGonagall and Snape.

_I wonder where my parents _(could he call them _parents_?) _are… _This thought had bothered Harry since he had discovered they were alive here. Where were them now? Did they live in England? He would think automatically that they were Order of the Phoenix members, but were they really? They had to be involved with Voldemort, surely. After all, the Dark Lord _had_ attacked them once. Even if it was later than in Harry's dimension.

Harry knew he would find out, sooner or later. And if he didn't, Harry reminded himself, his first priority was to the mission. Maybe, when he had gotten Dumbledore's trust, he would ask him. The old Headmaster had looked at him with a suspicious look – it was probably a consequence of living in dangerous times like these. Harry wondered with a grin what troubles had this Dumbledore have with the former Defense Against the Dark Arts professors.

He reached the Great Hall's doors. With a deep breath, he entered.

 ~*~

TBC…

_I hope you liked this chapter! As always, click on that cute little lavender box… and review! Also, this chapter was beta'ed by: _Feather Head.


	4. Discovery

The Choice of Silence

Chapter IV: Discovery

**_AN: _**_Read this, it's important! First of all, I'm very sorry for the delay. This chapter had been ready since a week ago. I sent it to my Beta-Reader but I don't know what's happened because she's not answering my e-mails. So, obviously, this chapter is un-beta'ed. I ask you to bear with some grammar mistakes, at least, until I can contact my Beta._

_ **AN2: **I won't answer the reviews yet, like I normally do with my chapters. But I promise I'll do it on the beta'ed version. Another thing, this chapter contains some swear words… so be prepared… it's nothing bad… only some "f" words…_

**_Disclaimer: _**_I don't own Harry Potter…_

~*~

As Harry walked to the to the Head Table, he could feel the student's curious stares at him. He was, after all, the 'mysterious teacher', as he had heard one Ravenclaw call him once. He didn't blame them, though. He didn't have any lesson yet so the students had only seen him on the feast on September first. 

He smirked at the impression he must be giving them; his clothes were all black – black pants, black long sleeved shirts and, a black robe. _They must be expecting a new Professor Snape!_ But he decided to try _not _to give the students a hard time – he had enough worrying about his mission and _not_ about expecting to be cursed as soon as he turned him back towards them.

He sat down, a bit nervous, besides Mcgonagall. She smiled briefly at him and turned back to her plate. Sighing, he picked his fork up, and tried to eat something. It wasn't a very successful attempt – watching the students made him so nervous for his class after lunch that he just _couldn't_ put _anything_ into his mouth; let alone swallow it! 

"Nervous?"

Harry looked up to the Care of the Magical Creatures' teacher, Lance Winston and for a brief moment wondered about Hagrid, _where is he now?_ "Yeah, a little."

Winston smiled warmly at him. "Don't worry, you'll do well." 

Winston wasn't very old; he was quite young, actually. Probably on his thirties, Harry didn't know. Harry smiled at him, nervously. "I hope so…"

"What is your first class? Gryffindors and Slytherins?" 

"No… Third year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff… Why?" He asked as if he didn't know the answer.

"Well… you are new here so you don't know this but there is a _immense dislike _between the Slytherin and the other Houses. Mostly, the Gryffindor and Slytherin Houses." He shook his head in amusement. "It was pure luck you didn't have them for first class, Professor Knight."

"Luke," 

"I beg your pardon?"

Harry smiled. "Call me Luke. Professor makes me feel old. I'll get enough from the students, anyway; I don't need from the teachers as well." 

Winston smiled back. "Luke it is." He glanced at his watch, "we'd better get going – lunch time is over!" 

Harry muttered his thanks and rushed to his classroom.

~*~

"As you know, I'm Professor Knight, your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher." Harry said as the students began filling the room. Once he was sure everybody had arrived, he continued. "This year we'll be learning about Dark Creatures…" He stopped as several hands were raised. "Yes?"

A black haired girl answered. "We've already learned about them, Professor."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You have?"

This time it was a boy who answered. "Yes, sir. Last year."

"I see… I reckon you haven't studied about the Elemental Creatures, have you?"

The students shook their heads. 

"Professor?" The same black haired girl asked.

"Yes, Miss…"

"Emily Thompson, sir." She said, helpfully. 

"Yes, Miss Thompson?"

"Aren't we supposed to learn about them on the Care of the Magical Creatures class?"

Harry smiled kindly at her. "Yes, you are supposed to learn _about_ them in the Care of the Magical Creatures class. However, you will learn here how to protect yourself from them. In Professor Winston's class you will only learn how to care for them."

He glanced around the room, asking silently if anyone had more questions and spoke once more. "Now, I want to know if anyone has ever heard about the Chimera…"

~*~

Harry watched as the students left the room mutely. After doing it, he didn't find teaching so hard – he had actually enjoyed it. 

But Thompson's words stayed in his mind. They had leaned about the Dark Creatures in second year? Wasn't it too soon? He wondered whether it was that _his_ class in his dimension had been delayed or that this place was ahead. It was probably both, he decided. After all, while was in school, his first year Professor was Voldemort's follower (and didn't teach well, Harry noted), Lockhart was a fluke – the only thing he _did_ actually know was how to make his hair wavy. In this dimension, however, they probably accelerated the lessons as the Dark Lord was still on power; things were much more dangerous now.

He decided to go for a walk, his next class was in two hours – he still had time. And, he reasoned, he had to get more information for his mission. He grabbed his cloak, and left the classroom.

~*~

Harry was walking by the lake. It was a sunny day, the sky was clear. Looking to the Quidditch Pitch, Harry couldn't help but wonder when he would be able to play again. He missed Quidditch. The air rushing to his face as he ran to grab the snitch… The sense of freedom he got from flying. He wasn't Harry Potter there. He wasn't the Mage. He was the Seeker, important only because of his talent. Not his name or fame. Not even power.

He was he. Harry. Only Harry. Nothing more. He would lose and he would win. But above all, he would be respected (or hated) because of _who _he was. Not what he was. 

For the first time in years he missed his old life. Not only the people, for he missed them too. But for the life as Harry Potter from Gryffindor. Seeker for the Quidditch Team. He missed the first, second, third or fourth year, it didn't matter as long as it wasn't fifth. For it was then when his responsibilities began, when he learned he was a Mage. 

Before, his troubles in his years were only adventures. Trying to find the Philosopher Stone had been fun, after all, Dumbledore would never let something happen to him, would he? The Chamber of the Secrets was a child's play; who would be afraid of a diary, anyway? In third year, he thought Sirius was trying to kill him, even if he was, he couldn't enter the castle, could he?

Today, Harry admitted he had been too arrogant in these years. Too immature. He hadn't realized that it hadn't been a game, it wasn't something he could turn and say: "Okay, this is boring, I want to stop". It had been a life-death situation and he thought that, if he was the Boy-Who-Lived, he couldn't die. _Snape wasn't wrong after all…_

Snape always said he found himself superior then the others. And Harry was beginning to thing he was right. Harry _did_ think so back then. Why else would an eleven years old boy try to kill an adult mountain troll when he'd been barely at Hogwarts for two months? And he had to admit Ron didn't help either. Being impulsive as he was, Ron also thought himself better than others. The Slytherins for example. Harry himself knew better than think all Slytherins were evil. The same way not all Gryffindors were good. He knew things were not always black and white. There was not only good and evil. There were in-betweens in the middle of these. One was not totally good and one was not totally evil.

_Not even Voldemort. _Harry thought with a sad smile. He didn't totally hate Voldemort, not anymore. The reason Voldemort wanted to _clean_ the world so that no Muggle Born existed was only a consequence of being abandoned by his Muggle father and left to grow up on an Orphanage. Of course, Harry wasn't trying to excuse Voldemort's decision to kill people. Voldemort shouldn't have said, one day: "Well, my father abandoned me and as he is a Muggle, I'm gonna kill all Muggles! Ha!" Harry knew he was exaggerating, obviously Voldemort had never said this. He only liked to put an extra irony on all his thoughts.    

_That's strange, though… I never liked to do this before… _There were many things he didn't do before and he was doing now. Maybe he was maturing. After all, people matured from their experiences and he had to admit the ones he had were rough. He didn't know whether he preferred it that way, sometimes he did and sometimes he didn't. 

There were moments he would look at the world and it would seem so… childish. It would look as if he was not a _part_ of it, as if he was watching a film – everything would move, live but he would stay still and watch, analysing it all. Those were the times he would get more critical, more cynical and sarcastic. He liked this way of seeing life – it was more impersonal, nothing could reach him.

And there were the times he wished he could be innocent. It was so difficult to think of him like this nowadays… Had it been so long since he was like that? Had he ever been like that at all? Maybe before Hogwarts… Still, the Dursleys didn't let him be carefree either. And he had already been tainted by Voldemort. He probably was only innocent the time he'd spend with his parents.

It was strange, still. He knew this yet; it didn't have much of an effect on him. _I probably am on those cynical moods now…_ He looked back to the castle; he hadn't found anything for this mission yet but it was already late. He would try again, tomorrow; maybe he'd be more successful then.

~*~

Harry was passing by an empty corridor. He had decided to go out for a walk, he had had a nightmare. It was one of those where Voldemort killed his parents. He stopped. Was that a voice? It was getting louder, someone was yelling… He decided to go closer. "_Perthro,_" he chanted the Rune of Invisibility. 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S MISSING?" One of the Voices shouted.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK, DUMBLEDORE? HE-IS-MISSING!"

They continued to argue, Harry couldn't hear much, there was probably someone else in the room asking them to lower their voice because, suddenly, the Voices lowered considerably. "Who is missing?" Harry whispered to himself. Putting his head on the wooden door, he tried to listen to more.

He couldn't. One moment later, a very angry Dumbledore stormed out of the room and Harry had to be careful not to trip as he was leaning on the door.

There were still three people in the room. Harry could see them now as the door had been opened. He had stopped breathing, for a moment. They were Lily and James and someone else Harry didn't know. Lily was kneeling on the floor next to James, who was sitting on a chair with his head on his arms. The other person was across them, not looking so devastated as they did.

Though now Harry had already met his real parents, it was still a shock to see them again. Even if they weren't really his parents. He shook his head angrily. No, he wouldn't think of that. He had to concentrate on his mission and this missing person was probably related to this.

"Are you okay, James?" Harry heard Lily asking. 

"I can't believe he's gone, Lily! I just CAN'T!" 

"I know, James. But you need to be strong! Sirius wouldn't want you to suffer!"

"He's not here, is he? He's not fucking ALIVE! He's gone! MY BEST FRIEND IS FUCKING GONE!"

"He's not gone, he's missing…"

But Harry hadn't heard that part. He had turned away and ran to his quarters. Sirius was gone there… he couldn't believe it. He didn't know why it bothered him so much; after all, he hadn't even met this Sirius before! It didn't matter that he saw his parents now; Sirius was more like his father than James ever was. _Calm down, Potter… It wasn't YOUR Sirius… You can still see him, if you want… _

Harry stopped suddenly at this train of thought. _Of course! How didn't I ever see it before!_ He had already toyed with this idea and now he had the perfect situation. 

He rushed to his room and picked up the data the Silcála had given him. He opened it. "I want information about Sirius Black." He commanded it and with a light blue glow, on the parchment he had in hands, words appeared with the information he had asked. _Let me see… Let me see… Birth… no… Parents… no… ha! Actual Situation…_

Dead.

The word he was waiting for, as sadistic it sounded. He wasn't happy about it, but he had learned that there were things worse that death. Harry, himself, was dead after all.

But this situation opened an opportunity. It would be quite helpful, as Dumbledore didn't trust him. He needed somebody from the inner circle… He wasn't sure if his idea would work and he still needed to get permission for it but he would fight for it. He needed it. Not only for the mission. 

_The problem is getting permission. _He was sure, had he been another person the Order wouldn't refuse. But still, Harry was afraid they would think he was mixing emotions with the mission – which was inexcusable. 

He sighed. He had to do it, though. If he stayed there, pondering, nothing would happen, he figured. He picked his _bina_ and pushed the button that said: Silcála. Almost immediately someone answered.

"Yes?" It was the High Master, Harry knew.

"Hum… High Master? It's Master Shinhi."

"Master Shinhi? Are you having problems?"

Harry blushed a little. Though he knew it was common for the Masters on missions to ask for help to the other Masters, he wasn't quite used to it, yet. It frustrated him to ask for help, as immature it sounded. "Yes, Master. I was wondering if I could summon someone to help me."

"I see. Why?" The Master was brief, thought not cold.

"Dumbledore doesn't seem to trust me. I need someone from the inner circle. And… recently I found a very useful information…" He took a deep breath – it was now or never. "I want to summon an old friend from my dimension here.

"I want to summon Sirius Black."

~*~

TBC… (Don't you all hate this?)

_Well… try to be gentle, okay? I'm very insecure with this chapter as it wasn't beta'ed and my Beta didn't give me her opinions. Please, review… I really need to know what do you think about this chapter, all right? ^-^_


	5. Waiting

The Choice of Silence

Chapter V: Waiting.

**_Disclaimer: _**_I don't own Harry Potter… And I'm sure he is extremely relieved I don't… ^.~!_

**_AN: _**_Again, this was not Beta'ed… I e-mailed my Beta-Reader but I still didn't receive any answer so… Please, try to bear it, until I post the other version…  _

LizhowHP: thank you! Here it is… don't worry, I didn't leave a cliffhanger on this one… ^0^ 

**_Avlyn: _**_Thanks! And I want to know your theory about Sirius death…! _

**_princess55: _**_Thank you! Thank you! I love compliments =) _

**_AN2:_**_ I don't know if this will be uploaded properly… it never does… ::sighs::_

~*~

"Sirius Black?" The Master asked with amusement. "From your dimension, I suppose?" 

"Yes, Master," was all Harry could say. He had already stated his need, now he only had to know what the High Master would say – and hope it was something positive. 

"And, tell me, Master Shinhi, why would I allow such thing? You know perfectly well that your mission is your priority, you cannot mix it with your own feelings."

Harry felt himself blush at this comment; the High Master was treating him like he was a kid! _Of course_ he knew he couldn't give in to his emotions… and he wasn't… he was only… 

He blinked. Only trying to get information. _Huh hum… And Lucius Malfoy is not evil; he's only misunderstood… Ha!_ He knew he wanted Sirius there, it was wrong… But it _could_ help his mission. If the High Master let him. "I know so, Master. And… I admit I wasn't only thinking about the mission when I asked this. But, the point is, it _can_ help me to get information…"

"How?"

Harry sighed, frustrated. The Master's behaviour of using one-word phrases or else, treating him like a child was annoying him! "By entering in Dumbledore's circle. I will try, of course, but I doubt it would happen – Dumbledore is too suspicious about me. If we had someone who was _already_ from the circle, getting information would be very much easier…" Harry trailed off; he was _sure_ the Master wouldn't allow him… He slapped himself for now finding a more suitable reason _before_ calling the High Master. 

Now it was the Master's turn to sigh. "Look, try to enter Dumbledore's circle. If you aren't able… If you aren't able then, yes, you can summon you Godfather."

"Really? Thank you! Thank you very much!" Harry said, beaming, even though he knew it would only happen if Dumbledore didn't accept him.

The High Master chuckled. "Talk to Dumbledore, then call me. Good luck."

"Yes, Master… Thank you."

"You're welcome… Harry."

~*~

The next day went normally. Harry had classes to teach – and he wasn't so afraid of them anymore. Nothing much happened, only that he had discovered Lily and James would be staying on the castle for a few months. He hadn't talked to them… yet. He promised himself he would – even if he had to wait until he completed his mission to do so.

He stopped at the gargoyle that stood at the entrance of the Headmaster's office. With a deep breath, he told it the password ("_Ice Cream", _Harry could swear Dumbledore was starting to like Muggle sweets better than the Magical ones…). The Gargoyle started spinning until a staircase showed. Harry climbed it until he reached a wooden door.

He knocked and heard the Headmaster asking him to enter.

He did so and sat on a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk when the older wizard motioned him to sit. 

"Hello, Luke," he opening a bar of Muggle chocolate and didn't even look at Harry. "Would you like some?" 

"Hum, no, thank you, Headmaster. Actually, I came because I wanted to ask you something."

Dumbledore stopped eating the chocolate and looked at Harry. "What is it?"

Harry looked down. _It was more difficult than I had thought! _"I was wondering if I could join your group against the Dark Lord."

Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "You are nineteen."

Harry blinked. "Yes… but what does that have anything to do with it?"

Dumbledore shook his head as if thinking _'so naïve'_. "It means that, what can you possibly do for help? You're too young, knows nothing about the world. In the past we did accept people like that, Luke. But now, it's dangerous. One can turn easily. And besides, we have more capable people there. Let us do the hard work, Luke, worry only about your classes."

Harry was outraged. "Young? What do you mean by that? Just because I'm nineteen it doesn't mean I will turn to V-_You-Know-Who_'s side." For a moment he had almost said the Dark Lord's name; he couldn't do so, he reminded himself, it would only raise more suspicion to him.

"I'm not saying that, Luke! I'm saying that you'd be more impressionable; young people are ambitious – they like power. And Voldemort offers power –"

"—You are talking as if everyone was the same! I don't know about the others, I know that _I _would _never_ turn to the Dark Lord's side."

The Headmaster smiled almost bitterly. "And how would I know that, Luke? How?"

Harry sighed. He knew Dumbledore was wrong but he knew also the Headmaster couldn't help it. He had been living hard, dark times; he was only doing what he needed to survive. It was shameful the old wizard had been driven to a point that he just _couldn't_ trust anyone. "You will just stop trusting people then? Like that? Are you just _giving up_ your right to _trust_ someone?" 

Dumbledore snapped at him. "It's not like that, Luke! Things are not so simple! I can't—"

"You know what? If this is what the rest of this… _group_ think… if that's what they think I don't really want to be a part of it anymore."

The Headmaster's eyes flashed in anger. "You _won't _be a part of that, Professor Knight. Leave the hard job to us." Dumbledore then turned back to his chocolate. "Go now, I believe you have classes to teach."

A lie.

Both knew Harry didn't have any classes until noon. It was a polite way to say: "_Go away!"_ and Harry did so gladly.

_For the positive side, _Harry thought before leaving the Office._ I get to see Sirius!_

~*~

The night was dark. He couldn't see anything for everything was misty. He continued walking aimlessly. There was a bright light. 

_He followed it._

_It was too bright… it hurt to look. But he continued walking – he couldn't stop if he wanted. Something was leading him, something more powerful than him. He didn't know what._

_He walked through the light. Someone was waiting for him. He tried to get closer. He was almost there… But that person only looked at him, smiling in amusement. He had green eyes. He thought it looked just like _His_. He only stared back. _

_"Who are you?" He tried to ask the stranger._

_But, the Stranger only shook his head. He heard lightning. It started to rain. He heard it once more, suddenly feeling as if he had been pushed to somewhere else. _

_Before blacking out he heard the Stranger say, "soon."_

_~*~_

Sirius woke up with a start. He had a strange dream but somehow he couldn't remember any of it. 

Shaking his head, he walked to the bathroom. He looked at the mirror. His reflection was looking back at him, almost mockingly. He looked terrible, he noticed. He hadn't been sleeping well, hadn't been eating much. He was getting depressed… He missed Harry dearly. And James too. He knew it was selfish for him to think like that, but he felt as if he preferred much more when James had been dead than now that the two of them weren't speaking to each other. 

Before, he always knew James had gone _not_ because he wanted it – he had been _supposedly_ killed. Now, James wasn't talking to Sirius (would that be, _Sirius wasn't talking to James_?) and it was all his free will. 

He shook his head once more to try to erase these thoughts from his mind. _No use thinking like that, all will be well soon enough._

Soon. 

That word had been hanging in his head. That dream… The Stranger with Harry's eyes had said so, what could it possibly mean? Sirius had his suspicions but he was afraid to even think about them. He didn't want to let his hopes up. Mostly because if it wasn't true, he knew he wouldn't be able to bear it. 

He, after all, only remained alive because it was Harry's wish. Harry had died – he had sacrificed – his own life to protect those whom he loved. 

And Sirius hoped he was included on that group.

~*~

"But he didn't let me!" Harry tried to explain to the High Master his situation. It wasn't working so far – the Master was thinking he hadn't tried hard enough.

"Tell me exactly what he said."

Harry sighed, annoyed. "He said," he mimicked, "young people like power and Voldemort offers power."

"He said so?"

"Yes, Master. He did." 

The Master was in deep thought. "That's strange of him. Your Dumbledore is more… open minded, is he not?"

Harry rolled his eyes; of course his Dumbledore was better. "Yes, Master. It is probably because in my dimension Voldemort's power was stopped for fourteen years."

"Yes… that could be it…" He paused then smiled innocently (though Harry couldn't see it) "What are you going to do now?"

Harry glared at him. "What do you mean? You said I could ask for Sirius' help!"

The Master was still smiling innocently. "I did so? When?"

"Oh… shut up, okay? You know you did so! I can almost see you smiling."

The Master mock-pouted. "You got me then."

Harry laughed, slightly. "I did… hum… so…

Can I still call him?"

~*~

Harry was not looking forward lunch; Dumbledore wasn't speaking to him – he had never spoken like Harry did with his Dumbledore before but the way the Headmaster glared at him now was unnerving! He shook his head, briefly wondering why he was doing this so much lately. He wished he could eat in his chamber but the House-Elves had said Dumbledore didn't want anyone to do that nowadays. Dumbledore probably just made it up now… so I have to go to lunch…

He knew, of course, it was only his sulking-self thinking. Dumbledore had no reason to do so only to frustrate him – but, obviously, he would never admit that. Better get this over with, then, he thought and, with a deep breath, he opened the doors.

No one even noticed him when he entered the Great Hall – not even while he was heading towards the Head Table. He sat down next to Professor Winston, smiling slightly as the other Professor looked at him. 

"So, how were your lessons?" The Professor asked with a smile.

"They weren't bad, actually… I'm not looking forward to the next lesson, however… It's Gryffindor and Slytherin's sixth years… I heard they were supposed to be hard to teach…"

Winston nodded. "They are… but I heard that the students liked you, though. And they are about sixteen… you are, excuse me for asking but how old are you? Well, you are young so there's not much problem asking, is there?" He grinned.

Harry shook his head, smiling. "No there's not. I'm nineteen."

"Nineteen?" He asked surprised. "My, my, you're young, aren't you? Well, as I was saying, you are nineteen and they are sixteen. You can, at least, understand them better than an old men like me."

"But you don't look old yourself! You look like… thirty or something!"

Winston smiled. "Thirty-four."

"See? You aren't old either, Professor."

Winston mock-glared at him. "Professor? You said I can call you by your name, I don't see with you can't call me Lance. You, after all, are not a student, now, are you?"

Harry grinned at him. "You're right, I'm not. Lance, it is!" 

He smiled at Lance, and started eating, not talking much – keeping only a polite conversation. He looked suddenly to his watch, "I got to go now, if I want to be in time for my class… wish me luck!"

Lance grinned back. "Good luck!"

~*~

"Now, tell me what is the different between Dark and Light Curses?"

Harry was teaching the oh-so-dreaded class of Gryffindors and Slytherins six years. It didn't seem like Lance had been right, though. The fact he was only about three years older than the students didn't help anything at all. In fact, it had worsened his situation. The students had seemed to think that, as he was nineteen, he wouldn't punish them – something that had been proved wrong the second a cocky Slytherin made some clever comments about him.

This, however, had made the Gryffindors think he was favouring the Gryffindor House and that they could get away with anything. A Gryffindor said a nasty comment to a Slytherin girl. Harry saw this, of course, and gave the Gryffindor a detention.

And now the class was silently looking at him while he spoke. Harry didn't know if he was being paranoid, but he could swear he saw the students plot evil plans to get revenge on him with their eyes. This, of course, he reminded himself later, was only the work of his ironic mind and that, even if the student were doing so, he was perfectly capable of fighting a few teenagers. And, the same ironic side of his mind thought sarcastically, he was dead anyway – nothing could possibly harm him.

"I asked you a question: what is the difference between Dark and Light Curses?" Harry asked them a bit forcefully.

A Gryffindor girl answered, raising her hand slowly as if he was a tiger ready to bite her if she did any harsh movements. "It's the intention, sir. Dark Curses are for evil purposes and Light Curses for good ones."

Harry sighed. "You're wrong." 

The girl looked up startled. "But, Professor, that's what the book say!"

"Then, the book is wrong." Harry looked at them, intensely. "What do you tell me, then, about the Light Curses that the Ministry uses on interrogations? They aren't used for 'good' things. Torturing people is evil. Why are they still called Light Curses then?"

The girl looked at him as if he was speaking another language. "What do you mean, Professor? The Ministry doesn't torture—"

"Yes they do." Harry said, and, while he looked around the classroom, he saw some people knew that also. Most of them Slytherins but there were some Gryffindors too. "We are in war. The Ministry torture the ones they think that are Death Eaters. The Death Eaters torture those they are ordered to. What I'm trying to say is, is there a difference between Light and Dark? Yes. But things are not as simple as you said, Miss Moon. There are not only Good and Evil; there are in-betweens in the middle. 

"I'm saying that one is never all dark. As no one is totally pure. It's impossible, and extremely boring, I have to say," a few students laughed, "you may have heard this before, and are probably tired of hearing it, but things are never black and white. There are shades of grey between everything. One cannot classify the curses as Light and Dark, it's foolish. After all, even a simple Petrificus Totalus can be turned into a dark curse if cast to stop someone from moving so the person is killed by, say, a dagger."

He smiled at their incredulous faces as he continued. "I know I'm overreacting on this one but you've got the idea. Humm… Now, it seems as if we've gotten carried away, why don't you all open your books to page…"

~*~

Harry sighed and sat on his desk, not caring to sit on his chair. He didn't know what made him do this… this discussion on Dark and Light Magic. He didn't know why he did so. 

He knew, though, that there was something very wrong there.  These students… They sounded almost naïve… It was strange because that last day Harry had been surprised the third year was quite advanced on its studies! They were wonderful in theories but they failed to understand things like corruption… they looked over things in a superficial manner. This Hogwarts taught things in a superficial manner. 

Only those who probably had any personal experience knew about the corruption of the Ministry. The others looked at him as if he was from another planet when he said about the interrogations. It was almost if they wanted to believe the Ministry wasn't corrupt. As if they had to.

And they did.

If they didn't believe in the Ministry, whom would they believe in? It was like on his dimension. When he had defeated Voldemort for the first time while he was a baby, everyone believed Voldemort had gone forever even when, deep down, everyone knew he would be back sooner or later. It was the way the human being thought, they fought the truth until they were not able to lie to themselves anymore.

They just didn't want to believe the truth. 

Sometime, Harry knew, the lie was simply much easier to bear – to understand – then the truth. Lies were more convenient; they were exactly what one wanted to hear – to know. The truth, however, was terrible, it brought pain – and normally, people seemed to forget that pain – as much masochistic as it sounded – was necessary for living. 

Pain, after all, matured people. 

It was horrible. Having to live in a world where the humanity itself brought its own destruction. Not many realized that, blaming it only on the Ministry and on the Dark Wizards. But, it happened on daily basis, when a fellow student come and tease another. When someone argue with the other – Harry wondered sometimes why did people do so; why did they like to bring pain to another, why couldn't everyone – not only wizards – be satisfied with their own happiness – and not try to take it away from someone who has it more?

It was sad. Again, Harry was disgusted by the way the things worked not only there but also everywhere… Times like these he was sure he was really meant to join the Silcála Order – to, not only, do good but help the others to do so. 

He sighed once again knowing he was thinking too much. He decided to go for a walk to clear his troubled mind. 

He couldn't, after all, concentrate on his mission with all these thoughts in his head, could he?

~*~

Okay, I don't know what happened to me, I was patiently re-reading the chapter (as Moaning Myrtle would say, minding my own business) so I could post it and suddenly this last page came on me and I swear I didn't know what was going on, my fingers started writing – I couldn't control myself! 

¬¬ Alright, I wasn't exactly like this. But I still don't know where this last Harry-musing came from… I happened all of sudden… Just like the whole Light and Dark thingy did yesterday… ::sighs:: what's happening to me? 


	6. Raw Emotions

The Choice of Silence

Chapter VI: Raw Emotions.

_Toria:__ Read and see! ^-^****_

_pricess55:__ I'm glad you understand me… It's scary sometimes, you know ::hides in fear:: It happened again… ::sighs::_

_lizhowHP: __It's another dimension, Harry died killing Voldemort, he trained in the Afterlife and now is on a mission on another dimension, it's confusing, I know… ^^-_

_insanechildfanfic:__ Liked your penname! ^^ and Thanx!_

_Avlyn: __Thanx! I loved your new chapter ^-^ are you going to update soon?_

_Hermione06560: __Thank you!_

_AN: First of all, I'm really sorry for the delay. It wasn't that I didn't have time, I just couldn't write it! I wrote the first scene and the second one easily, but I couldn't seem to write the end of the chapter. I would look at the screen and have no idea what to write – better, I had the idea, I just couldn't write. I tried to force myself to do so, but it ended up terrible… I really think this was the most difficult chapter I ever wrote… _

_AN2: My Beta is still not answering my e-mails or IMs… If someone wants to beta-read my stories, would you please e-mail to lmiss_mel@hotmail.com? I really NEED a beta! _

_::blinks:: What are you doing still reading author notes, anyway? Go and read the chapter! And REVIEW! ^-^_

~*~

The walk hadn't helped much. Harry was worried about the mission, until now, he hadn't done anything useful! He really wished the High Master had said when Sirius would come – Harry knew it was wrong to thing so, but he was starting to think the Master had lied to him when he said he allowed Sirius to come… After all, if not, why was Sirius taking so long?

Harry was in his classroom now, grading some paper and planning his lessons. He sighed remembering his class with the Sixth Years. _They are impossible! _He still didn't understand why, though. He was, after all, seventeen – even though they all thought he was nineteen – he should be _close _to these students. The Seventh Years weren't so much of a problem – then, why the Sixth Years were?

And, worst of all, Dumbledore was _still_ giving him a hard time. It was not a 'glare' anymore – no… it was even _worse_! He was looking at Harry with some kind of _pity_! As if in, _I-forgive-you-for-your-naiveté_ pity. It was terrible, frustrating! He, Harry Potter, Master of Lómë being _pitied_ by an _old _wizard? It was _humiliating… _Then again, the sane part of his mind thought, Dumbledore was old – but definitely not _weak_. He could, if he wanted to, pity _anyone_… And—

BOOM! 

There was a big crashing noise, just like the _pop_ from Apparating – only much louder.

Harry looked up. Wand in hand, he stood up and carefully walked to the door, without making any noise. He was near it. Almost there…

It opened.

There was someone there; he was familiar – everything from this dimension looked familiar.  

But this man knew him. 

The fact person looked at him as shocked as him proved that. Harry noted, uneasily, there were tears that the man was holding back. The man shook his head in disbelief and pronounced a name Harry hadn't heard since the first time he called the High Master.

"Harry," the man had said.

Harry couldn't move. _Could he be… _he didn't dare to hope. "H-how do you know my name?"

The man blinked confused by the question. "What? How could I not know you name? And… how can you not be," he chocked on the word, "dead?"

_No... _"Si-Sirius?" 

"That's me." Sirius tried to hold back his tears with no use. "That's me…"

_It can't be… so soon… _He closed his eyes trying to control his flooding emotions. He gave up, it was no use. Forgetting dignity for a moment, he rushed to his Godfather, hugging him desperately, not even trying to hold back his tears anymore. 

Sirius was shocked for a moment at Harry's reaction but relaxed and hugged him back tightly, whispering how much he missed him. "I thought I'd never see you again…"

Harry closed his eyes and broke the embrace. "I'm sorry," he said, not wanting to meet Sirius' eyes. _I caused everyone so much pain…_

Sirius shook his head.

_Is he mad at me? _Harry thought when he saw this. He fell to his knees, not bearing the thought.

Idly, he felt Sirius kneeling before him and tilting his chin upward, forcing him to meet Sirius' eyes, "never," his voice was fierce, though not angry, but his eyes… his eyes, Harry could not believe they could hold so much love for him, so much care… "I'd never be mad at you, Harry. You did what you thought was right."

Harry was surprised at the answer, had he asked it out loud? "How…" he tried to ask, not above a whisper.

Sirius smiled gently as he spoke softly, "you are not as emotionless as you think…" 

Harry smiled slightly at this. 

"But…" Sirius continued, his face twisting in confusion, "how are you _alive_?"

Harry looked down. "I am not alive, Sirius."

"But, how—"

Harry sighed and looked at his Godfather. "I'll try to explain to you now the resumed story but," he bit his lip nervously, "I need you to do something for me – it was the condition to see you again—"

"Condition?"

"—Then, I'll explain everything to you in details, okay?"

Sirius blinked for a moment. "Do I have a choice?"

Harry grinned at him despite the seriousness of the moment. "No."

"I guess so… What's the story then?

Harry took a deep breath, without knowing where to start. The cynical part of his mind whispered, _the beginning_ to him, knowing fully well he didn't _exactly_ know where the beginning was. "As you know, I'm dead—" he raised his hand to stop Sirius from speaking. "—Death is not exactly as you think it is, there is a… some kind of reign called Afterlife—" to Sirius' disbelieving look he added, "I know, not much creative…. 

"Anyway, there's a place called Afterlife, where everyone who dies go. The is also an Academy – that many believes to be a legend – that trains people in Martial Arts, Sword fighting, Archery and Magic things like Rune Duelling and stuff. Well, those who train there and pass its Trials become Masters of Lómë,"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Harry ignored Sirius. "I joined that Academy, passed the Trials and am a Master of Lómë. The point is, that some Masters are asked to join the Silcála Order – who is much alike the Order of the Phoenix—"   arrWHa

"How do you know about the Order of the Phoenix?"

"—Only it helps also others dimensions. We are on a parallel dimension to ours. It's a mission I have from the Order – and yes, I've joined it." 

Sirius looked at Harry, surprise written on all his face. "Let me get this straight! You died, joined a strange Order and now are on a mission on a parallel dimension to ours… and yet you speak as if it was nothing?" He looked thoughtful, "but then again, you were always strange…"

Harry grinned and punched Sirius' arm, playfully. "Hey!" 

They both grinned at each other until Harry looked at Sirius eyes with an odd expression. "Do you have any problem with this? Will you help me?"

Sirius smiled at Harry. "No, I don't mind… And, obviously I'll help you, you don't need to doubt that, Harry. But you didn't tell me in what you need help."

Harry felt himself blush, he had forgotten! "This dimension is like ours, only I'm dead and Voldemort was never stopped. I need to help destroying him, but to do so I have to be from the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore…"

"Let me guess, Dumbledore didn't let you join it?" Sirius said with a bit of sarcasm.

"Exactly. Can you believe he implied I was going to join Voldemort because I am young?" 

Sirius rolled his eyes (earning an _"hey!" _from Harry). "What must I do, then?" 

~*~

"What?" Dumbledore whispered in awe, "how?"

Sirius sighed, he understood why his Godson had asked him to lie but it still wasn't easy – Dumbledore was, after all, someone he respected very much. "Headmaster," he hesitated for a second, praying to Merlin that this would work, "I'm an Animagus." He waited a bit, to make sure he hadn't blown up his cover.

He hadn't. Dumbledore seemed to know that already. With a somewhat relieved sigh that he hoped Dumbledore hadn't notice, he continued, "I transformed and ran away while a Death Eater unlocking the cell to give me food," then, he added, "I was lucky…"

Dumbledore just nodded and Sirius could swear he saw a frown on the Headmaster's face but he discarded the idea later – he must have had imagined it. "I'm glad you were, Sirius," he paused, in thought, "I presume you'd rather stay here for a while, a House-Elf will prepare a room for you."

Sirius only nodded, not knowing what to say. One wrong word, he figured, and the cover was over.

"Though," he continued, "we now have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts' teacher as we weren't sure what happened to you. You may stay at Hogwarts for the rest of the term, if you wish. Next year, don't worry, you will be able to teach again." 

Sirius, again, only nodded. "I'm glad. Hum, if you don't mind, Headmaster, I'll retire."

Dumbledore nodded, "good night."

"Good night."

~*~

Sirius sat still at Harry's quarters, the light of the fire making shadows to his face. He still didn't understand many things, the reason why Harry didn't explain the situation to Dumbledore – for Sirius was sure the older wizard would understand him – was one of the things. Harry must have his motives, he knew, obviously. He just longed to know them, somehow, after everything, he felt himself getting distant and distant from his godson.

He heard the door move but made no movements to turn around. He knew already who was entering – he did not need to see to know it. 

"Sirius…"

Only then he turned to the hesitant calling of his godson. He wanted to say so much… wanted to ask so much… "Why…"

 _Why did you leave? Why am I here? Is it only for your mission? Why did you leave me alone? _

So many questions… though, only a _why_ was he able to speak. He was sure Harry understood him, for he looked down, turning away.

"I… was afraid. First of all, I was afraid. I didn't want that responsibility! Everything was happening so fast… my father being alive, discovering what I was, discovering what I had to do… suddenly, everything I held as true… shattered. As a simple glass under a strong grip. My friends turned away from me, telling me I was keeping secrets from them – and I was powerless to stop them as I was indeed doing so. It was not my fault, I admit it, I couldn't do anything about it… but one can only take so much. Dieing would be the best solution… but I couldn't afford that – if I died, then what would be of the world?" He gave a bitter laugh at this, "so the wisest choice I had was, killing myself with the process of killing Voldemort. And that I did."

He was still looking away, not wishing to see whatever was in Sirius' eyes. Sympathy, he could deal with it. Pity, he could deal with. But love… no; love was not something he would be able to deal with. Not love, when he felt himself unworthy of it.

Sirius would have none of that, though. He knew Harry had his reasons about his mission and, frankly, he didn't care as long as his godson was happy – and he could tell he wasn't.

He stood up, quickly, walked to where Harry was sitting, closer the fire and sat next to him. "Harry…" he whispered sadly, shaking his head slightly. With his thumb and index finger, he raised Harry's chin, so to meet his eyes, "I don't blame you. You killed yourself, there's no denying but… you are human. And, as you said, one can take much… I'm not saying what you did was right, only…" he sighed, frustrated, that wasn't what he wanted to say! "What I mean is… I love you, Harry, no matter what you do, there's no need to be ashamed."

There were hint of tears in Harry's eyes, tears Sirius knew he refused to let fall. "I love you too."

They didn't say anything else – there was no need. Sirius drew Harry in his embrace, holding him tightly as if to mean he would never let he go again. Ever. 

~*~

_AN: Can you see now why I had trouble with that last scene? It still isn't how I wish it wasn't… but two months of no update was too much… maybe I'll rewrite it sometime later…_

_So… what did you think?_


	7. Lies

The Choice of Silence:

Chapter VII: Lies.

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own Harry… ::sighs:: why do you make me repeat this? Why? I own the Silcála and Afterlife universe though (it just came to me I've never said this -)_

_Avlyn:__ I'm glad you liked it - I love Sirius… why did he have to die?!_

_evanescence5: __I like Harry/Sirius father and son relationships too… I still believe Sirius is Harry's father in disguise (j/k)…_

**AN: **_I'm sure that after this chapter some will wonder if this will be a slash fanfic. Well, even though I like slash, this fanfic will NOT have it. _

**_AN2: _**_Does anyone want to be my Beta-Reader? My Beta has deserted me… ::sighs::_

* * *

"So, we need to put some more lizard's skin,"

Harry and Sirius were both in Harry's room, trying to make a Bluey-Hairy Potion, as Sirius liked to call.

To tell the truth, they were trying to mix some Polyjuice Potion with blue hair dye; they figured as the Polyjuice made the person becomes someone else using a part of their body, what would happen, they thought, if you put, instead of a bit of the person, some hair dye?

Obviously, they had to change some ingredients so they didn't actually turn into bottle of hair dye – they weren't exactly sure if these _would _indeed happen but none of them wished to actually _try _the potion to find out. So, naturally, they took out the part that made the person turn into another.

It wasn't easy, as Harry was never good at Potions but Sirius, he had found, actually _knew_ how brew them rightly.

"What do we do now?" Harry asked Sirius as he put the final and most important ingredient – the hair dye.

"Now, we wait," came Sirius' crypt answer.

"Wait _what_? Have you ever done this before?"

"Oh yeah," Sirius grinned widely and Harry couldn't help but think, evilly, "with green dye. It didn't work well, we were trying to get Snape but… er, well, the cauldron exploded just when Lily, yes Lily, was passing by…" he chuckled, "I reckon your father was still begging for forgiveness a week later."

Harry smiled at this, but he frowned as he realised what it implied, "that… means you don't know this will work!"

"Well… just because it didn't work out the first time…"

"Sirius…"

"…okay, there _is_ a possibility it won't work but still—"

"I can't teach classes with _blue_ hair!"

Sirius cracked a grin, "it'd be funny," he said but closed his mouth and looked down immediately when he saw Harry was giving him a death glare that rivalled Snape's, "hum, don't worry. It _will_ work out…" there was an little explosion in the cauldron and he quietly added, "I hope…"

"You'd better." Harry muttered as he quickly when to help his dear Godfather.

* * *

Later that day, Harry was heading to the Great Hall, still with black hair. The Potion hadn't exactly worked but, thankfully, Harry had not been a victim of Sirius' mistakes. Thankfully for him – who really wouldn't like to have blue hair – and to Sirius – who _would_ very much like to be alive to see the next day.

Even though with the possible – and almost imminent – danger, he'd enjoyed their prank session. It made him wonder if it'd be like that on Earth, had he not died. Would he be living with Sirius? Or would he live with James? Perhaps with both, he didn't know what would – had – happened after he died.

It wasn't the first time he'd wondered what happened after his death; had James missed him? He didn't care much, anymore.

When he was still on his firsts years of Hogwarts, all he wanted was his parents back, _Lily _and _James_ back. After he died, he had time to think properly – _you wouldn't imagine having a Dark Lord after you would take away so much of your time_, he though amused – he came to the conclusion he hadn't actually wanted his _parents_ but _a_ parent figure. Pity he hadn't realised it before too late…

_THUD THUD THUD! _

He stilled abruptly. _What the hell…_ _footsteps!_ He turned quickly and just in time to see the end of – what he thought to be – a black cloak. Harry hesitated a bit before following it.

The Figure entered an abandoned classroom; Harry entered it as well, trying to be as quiet as possible.

The window was opened and there was a piece of parchment on a table near it.

He closed his eyes trying his best to calm down and pick up the parchment:

_Harry or should I say, Master Shinhi?_

_You don't know me nor have you heard of me. Therefore, allow me to introduce myself: I'm Nemesis, a Master of Lómë, just like you, although not from your precious Silcála. _

I've been watching you for sometime now. News came to me that a Mage was at the Academy… Impossible! But then, I saw you; so young yet so very powerful – just like myself.

_I wanted you. You powers, your strength… You._

_I wish you to join me, you and I together could rule everything… everyone. You still have got much to learn; I look forward to teaching you all the experience you lack. Be mine. We could be a magnificent team. Be my apprentice… my pet. _

_Nemesis._

Harry could only stare at it. Who was this… Nemesis? Really? Why he had so much hatred for the Order?

His eyes travelled through the last paragraphs.

_…Be mine…_

It was sick! The "join me" part would have be expected but this? It was sickening, it was nauseous! It would _never_ happen! Harry would rather fade forever, to leave existence…

_…my apprentice… my pet…_

Harry stepped back, oblivious to his surroundings until he was cornered at a wall… he fell to his knees, breathing hard.

He was afraid.

For the first time in his life, he was truly afraid. Afraid of what would happen to him. It felt strange; all his life he was scared for someone else – never for himself. It was new to him.

And he didn't like that.

He closed his eyes. No. He wouldn't let it happen… he wouldn't let this… Nemesis lay a hand of him…

He'd kill him first.

Anger turned into more fear. Could he? Nemesis himself had told him he lacked experience… And, Harry knew it also. Could he kill Nemesis?

Would he be able to _live_ the consequences of killing someone?

True, he had killed Voldemort but he didn't live after that – he'd died with him… and that was not an option now.

Despair, now, turned into more fear.

What if he wasn't able to kill the Master? That wasn't a hard possibility, after all. He'd have to live with Nemesis as a… slave? Why would Nemesis want him that way? It was terrible! It was inhuman! It was…

…the worst think that could happen to him.

Harry's hand turned into a fist; one blow and another and another, sequences of punches against the stoned walls. He stopped, tired as tears fell from his eyes – trailing down his face. He slowly fell to the ground, his legs unable to keep him standing. _Why me? Why me?_

"WHY ME?!"

Sobs try to take over his body but Harry holds them at bay. What should he do? He tried to calm himself taking deep breaths. Sirius… _Sirius_, he thought, _he can't know! He'd try to hunt this Nemesis down or…_

Or he would try to protect him.

He took another deep breath, shoving the letter into his pocket and putting his best smile – a façade, he knew. But Sirius couldn't find out anything. He had enough to worry about – worry about his_,_ _Harry_'s, mission.

At the back of his mind a trail of guilt hit him but he shook his head, it wasn't time for this. He had plans to make; the mission ceased to be only _his_ the moment this traitor appeared. It was a mission of the whole Order. _I'll… call the High Master and get help!_ He smiled slightly despite the serious situation.

The game was about to begin.

And this brought to him a strange comfort…

The comfort he so desperately needed.

Although Harry hadn't seen it, on the bottom of the letter, written in a very small handwriting was: _If not willingly… then unwillingly_.

* * *

Sirius knew something happened the moment Harry entered the Great Hall. Harry's face looked drained, tired… worried. He wondered the reason; it couldn't be the mission, could it?

He looked at Harry while his godson sat down; Harry noticed his stare and smiled.

"Are… is everything alright?"

Harry blinked. "Yes, why wouldn't everything be?"

Sirius nodded slowly before turning back to his plate. A lie. And both knew it. Something happened to Harry before he entered the Great Hall… he was worried about his godson but he couldn't do anything about it. He felt helpless… powerless to help him.

And all he could do was wait…

And wait…

And wait…

The problem was he didn't like waiting – he wasn't a patient man. Yet, he would…

He couldn't do much else.

* * *

"High… High Master?" Harry couldn't help but ask nervously.

There was a pause. "I take you have received a letter."

Harry breathed in surprised, "how do you…"

He heard the High Master sigh, "child, I know this – because I received one too. A bit different, I suppose, but from Nemesis, nonetheless. My letter," he hesitated for a second, "spoke also about… you."

"What did it say?" Harry voice was not above a whisper – he hated the fact it resembled one of a scared child; _I must be strong…_

"Probably what it said in yours – what Nemesis wants…" If Harry could see the High Master, he'd notice the small sad smile on his face. "Now," the tone of his voice changed so quick it surprised Harry, "I'll will send help. Try and find as much information you can… I fear this will be a terrible war – Nemesis is very powerful; he and his servants. Most of them are Masters of Lómë. Be careful."

Harry nodded somberly, "I will."

The High Master's voice softened, "you are very brave, Harry Potter. I admire you." But before Harry could say anything, the high Master shut the _bina_ leaving Harry to wonder at the words.

He couldn't help to feel a bit proud of himself, after all _he_ was the one who always had admired the High Master.

He walked to the velvet chair in front of the fireplace with a small smile on his face and sat down. This talk had calmed him, somehow. He didn't know the reason, perhaps it was the way the High Master handled things – always calm, in control.

"Harry?"

Harry turned and smiled at Sirius, inviting him, silently, to join him. Sirius did so. They spent a few minutes in silence, staring at the fire.

It was Sirius who spoke first, "I've got news."

This drew Harry's complete attention. With his eyes, he urged Sirius to continue.

"Dumbledore said he got a strange letter from an unknown person. He didn't say much about it, but I could see he was very disturbed…" he stopped and for a few seconds just stared at nothing. Then, he shook his head, as if trying to shake his confusion away. "What I don't understand," he turned his head to Harry, "is _who _sent that letter. Dumbledore said it was not Voldemort… Could it be a distraction? A diversion that Voldemort sent so we stopped focusing on him?" He stayed quiet for a moment, "but that's so unlike him…"

Harry stayed still for the whole dialogue, not quite looking into Sirius' eyes. Harry was sure that, if he did so, Sirius would notice he knew something…

Sirius continued, "do you have any idea of what it might be? Your Order didn't tell you anything?"

"No… why," he swallowed, "why would I know?" He stopped for a moment, "Can't it be Voldemort? Or a-a Death Eater?"

Sirius' eyes narrowed in suspicion, "you are stuttering."

"It… it must be the cold."

Sirius nodded, slowly; suspicion never completely living his eyes. "I guess so…" he looked at the clock, "it's late… I think we both need to sleep as much as we can."

"I... I think I'm staying here for a little more,"

Sirius frowned slightly and he turned to leave, "night, Harry."

Harry stayed still until he left, only then sighing in relief. Yet, he was still worried.

They both knew Harry was lying.

TBC…

* * *

_I haven't updated in a long time and I will not give any excuse. The reason is short and simple, I lost interest on the story and on Harry Potter in general. I will try my best to complete it – and I **will** even if it takes me 10 years._

_Last but not least, please R&R! I need to know what you think of the story AND of my writing! I need to most direct and truthful criticism!_


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